Honor your father and your mother so that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.
Exodus 20:12.
The concept of honor covers many aspects: love, respect, protection, care, and more. When our parents become old, unfortunately, they acquire diseases that leave them defenseless and dependent like Alzheimer's, Senile Dementia, Parkinson's, and Diabetes, and they begin to need people to take care of them, in many cases 24 hours a day. In most societies, this role is fulfilled by women in the family, mainly daughters. There are cases in which their sons also get involved, but if they are married, that work may again fall to their wives, even if they collaborate.
The problem increases when there is only one caregiver and if the situation continues over time, they usually end up exhausted with what is called “caregiver syndrome” which creates sadness, frustration, anger, anxiety, depression, guilt, physical problems, and somatization. I know cases in which caregivers have ended up with serious chronic illnesses that have affected the rest of their lives. Anyone who has experienced this problem up close knows what I am referring to.
Seeing our parents in this situation produces a lot of sadness and frustration, we want to try to relieve their ills with our care, but they need more and more and the moment comes when we are overwhelmed without knowing what to do. But how can we stop taking care of them if they are our parents and they need us? In many cases, we feel like there is something like an invisible debt, as they took care of us before. There are women who have a more developed feeling of this responsibility and this makes them assume more care work than is humanly possible.
The fact that our parents turn to us more and more is normal because they do not realize how tired we may be. They are losing their faculties and they only realize what they need and that we are their support and "salvation."
Health personnel know what it means to care for a dependent person, and common sense says, “YOU MUST TAKE CARE OF THE CAREGIVER.” However, I know that in many cases this is not easy at all. Therapists can give you guidelines to deal with the situation in a way that is better for both parties.
Jesus told us: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” We need much prayer and Divine direction for this challenging situation. “Whoever comes to me I will not cast him out.” John 6:37
We invite you to find out more about the Care Platform initiated by the women of the Spanish Union in our eudwomn.org news